He Brings Sadness to Make Me Free: A Reflection On Matthew 19
Like many of us this year, I've been working my way through the New Testament as a part of our church-wide Bible reading plan. It has been greatly beneficial. We most recently cleared away a small desk that sits bare in the home office, and there I have spent the last few mornings with a (physical) Bible, a journal, a pen, and a print-out of the reading plan.
These mornings have been rich, and I encourage you to make time and space for solitude with Him and the word if you have not been. This reflection has come out of one of those times! - Pastor Mike
I remember the agony of loneliness, disappointed expectations, and grief over this thing we called life.
I remember how He wounded me by asking me to yield the things most precious to me.
I remember when He brought sadness to make me free.
As I read Matthew 19:16-30, I'm struck that this is what Jesus does. The ruler has, in his own mind, tried to live his life in a way that is pleasing to God. The list of commands that Jesus mentions check the right boxes. He feels like life is good and he's on the right track. He just wants to know what else Jesus would ask him to do.
This is often how we prefer our encounters with Jesus to go. "I'm mostly on the right track. I'm sure God will be pleased, and there are just some tweaks I need to make."
But then Jesus incisively puts his finger on the possessions this man finds so precious. He knows what has secretly been withheld, and also what has been lacking. And he asks "will you now yield this and follow me?"
The cost is suddenly apparent. The calling becomes crystal clear. He is exposed. Suddenly this ruler's pleasing life is not so pleasing, but he does not have the strength to yield, nor is he willing. He walks away sorrowful and full of grief (v.22).
Does Jesus ask this of the man because he enjoys making people unhappy?
No, he asks because he wants to bring this man freedom. Freedom to be fully restored in his relationship to Jesus, and restored in his relationship to others (in this case, through sacrificially selling his possessions). Freedom to be part of building the eternal world that Jesus is bringing about through His ministry.
What we're being asked to yield
The call to freedom means a painful reckoning with how sin has infected us. For this ruler, it is his possessions. But for you and I, could it be something different?
What is it we find most precious? What is it that would cause us great pain to give up? What areas of obedience would we find especially sorrowful?
For some of us it is the same: our possessions. Our minds revolve around our means and our money. Life is judged in its fullness by whether we have financial security and growth. If anything threatened this....if some calling of God were to ask us to decrease our means (or potential future means) by a significant or total amount, we would be filled with sorrow.
For others of us, it is the priority of self-actualization and autonomy. Our self-development. Our development to being a worthy or admirable person. Our ability to construct a life we find pleasing. If anything threatened this...if somehow a calling of God were to disable, slow, or disintegrate our unique selves and potential growth, we would be filled with sorrow.
Our world is swirling with narratives and ideologies about what actions and public displays of opinion signify righteous standing, from faith to parenting to politics. The Christian realm and the church at large have not been immune to such ideologies and narratives, and all of us have at times been swept up in ways that clearly begin to run contrary to the teachings of our Lord by their spiritual fruit (this is surely why many of us found our recent sermon series on the Holy Spirit so convicting!). We are in a time where technology and social media have shown their worst aspects, and whether it be because of evil forces, or the brokenness of dealing with COVID-19, our fellowship with other believers has too often become secondary. We are tempted to walk away in sorrow when Jesus asks us to follow Him and His church.
I could go on.
Let me throw a few bombs out there. Which of these would startle you if I said Jesus absolutely wanted you to aim your life towards doing these? Which would tempt you to walk away in sorrow?
Pursuing foster care / adoption
Rearranging your life to spend large swaths of time with people unlike yourself in race, age, or education…like A LOT of time
Pivoting your career to reprioritize relationships
Pursuing spiritual family at the cost of living near blood relationships
Spending vacation time to dig deeper into church family
Devoting yourself to a life of singleness in order to have increased flexibility and resources to be used by Jesus
Giving up your deepest passions and desires in order to love your spouse better
Allowing for the possibility of your political preferences/beliefs to be wrong
Having a "boring" life that is filled with slow-growing, slow-moving, agonizingly difficult relationships
Opening yourself to deeper accountability about your sin with your CG and church family
Let me startle you if I haven't. The Lord is calling us collectively to all these things and more, and His goal is not our sorrow. It is to free us from the chains of untruth and to bring us into a place of freedom, a place free of bondage to worldly pursuits that do not have an objective view of eternity.
He calls us to a way of life that is filled with love for Him, His church, and our neighbors in the world. He calls us to work in love towards being the preview of the new world....a world in which people, places, things, ideas, education, politics, institutions, and all human endeavors are made new by Christ.
He desires His children to be free to live in His love, His glory, and His kingdom, and so He points his finger at and asks us to yield.
For me it has always been loneliness. Loneliness has always pervaded my life, and so the one thing I withheld from God was the willingness to be lonely. This infected everything: the way I pursued friendships, life in church, and close relationships. God finally one day allowed this sinful pattern to fester until I was in a place of chaos and ruin, and then pointed His finger and said to me, "You lack one thing. Give up your desire to not be alone. Lay it down. Then come follow me."
And so I yielded to the agony of loneliness, disappointed expectations, and grief over this thing we called life…I let them exist as a blip in the view of eternity.
I obeyed when he asked me to give up the things most precious to me. I am still doing it all the time, and I can see glimpses of something far better than only associating with people who revolve around my desires and preferences.
And now I know that He brings sadness to make me free, and I can say in faith that it is better this way.